all aboard

i had a dream i saw you last night. we were on a train together, not speaking. just sitting next to each other, our hands in our laps. you and i on the train don’t speak. in a life before this, i would have been so fucking angry, maybe. instead this time around i am sad to my core about things. i try to shift people more tenderly these days. i actually turn out to be shit at setting boundaries, but i am getting better about being open. about honestly. i probably owe you an apology. i don’t know if i do, or if you owe me one, or if any of this actually matters at all. there has been a lot of endings this year. i have killed about a third of what i planted. i have learned how to find the gentlest places. my new resolutions are simple and incredibly strange- to allow myself space. to take more joy in waiting. to share more moments. to hold nothing sacred except for each other.

i didn’t pick up any new hobbies, like i told you i would. i haven’t really been productive in the ways i have imagined. i will be mad at myself about it, in due time- i am always historically mean to myself about terrible awful things. but right now i feel sort of at peace. i am just here for a ride, like you are, and the train is moving.